I have thought out what I wanted to say in this post time and time again, and every time I go to write it, I get lost in how to word it. The truth is, it's a complicated feeling...
"What are you talking about, Maddie?"
I'm talking about this tug-of-war between my extroverted self and my introverted self. Now I know it seems simple enough to just label myself an ambivert and call it day. But the problem is, it doesn't feel that simple.
Allow me to elaborate:
I have always thought of myself to be very outgoing. People tell me all the time how much they admire my "bubbly" personality, and past customers always praised me on how personable I was. But too often there are times when being this way just becomes plain exhausting. Honestly, it's gotten to the point (as of recently at least) that even the mere thought of going down to the lobby of my residence hall to socialize makes me want to vomit.
Many people would agree that it's normal to be "burnt out" on social interaction every once in awhile, but what happens when that feeling becomes constant and annoyingly persistent?
Now I'm not sure when I realized this was a problem, but the main point that has me conflicted is the fact that I WANT to make more friends and be around people. What always stops me from doing so is this little voice in my head that says "Get over yourself, they're not going to like you, you're too weird, blah blah blah, etc".
To make things even more confusing, I am not insecure in my ability to make friends. Once I get out there, I find it fairly easy to converse with others and make connections across the board.
"So what's the problem?"
I just can't seem to make that little voice go away. I suppose I just have to listen to my heart instead of my head for once.
It's funny, you almost always wanna listen to what your head says because it makes sense, but your heart is almost always right, even if it doesn't make sense. I guess a better way to put it would be this: you can always change your mind, but you can never change the way you truly feel.
Does anyone out there struggle with this? I would love to hear your experience(s) with this, and knowing that I'm not alone would be so encouraging.
Until next time,
Maddie
If you are on tumblr, you can follow me here!
Or if you prefer the more comedic content, you can follow me on twitter.
Monday, July 25, 2016
Saturday, July 23, 2016
An Introduction
Hello fellow bloggers/or readers of blogs!
My name is Maddie, I am 18 years old and I am a freshman at the Florida State University. While I am currently enrolled in the summer semester, I thought it would be interesting to try and do something more with my time, like sharing my thoughts/feelings/opinions on the Internet for all you lovely people to enjoy.
Something fun: I thought I might do "16 Fun Facts About Me". Why 16? It's my lucky number; the year I graduated high school, the age I learned how to drive a car, the day I was born in March... So many good things about it to count. Get it? Numbers, counting, it's a joke!or I guess a pun
Anyways, without further ado, here are 16 fun facts about me:
(left: 2 years old, right: current 18 years old)
1. I was born in Misawa, Japan.
I know what you're thinking: Does that mean you're, like, Japanese? Can you watch anime without subtitles? No. I was born on an US Air Force base in Misawa, where most people spoke English. However, I have no memories of it, I only lived there for the first three years of my life. But I have to say, I was pretty cute!
2. I am a huge marching band fanatic.
Yes, I was a band geek in high school, and thankfully I get to be a band geek in college too! I am currently pursuing a Bachelor's degree in Music Education here at FSU. I was the drum major for my high school band for two years, while my freshman and sophomore year I marched trumpet. Marching band was (and still is) my passion! I will be auditioning to be in the "Marching Chiefs" this coming August, which honestly doesn't feel real. The next few pictures are just a few highlights of my marching career so far (more pictures to come in the following season).
3. I'm a sort of a thespian.
I use this term lightly, because I am by no means a "serious" actress. However, I was in a few plays for my high school, and I have to say, they really shaped how I view the world around me and the people in it. Not only that, but they were just really fun. At my high school I was in the casts of Seussical the Musical (2015) The Little Mermaid (2015) and Bye Bye Birdie (2016). I really hope to be involved in theatre sometime during my college years, if time permits of course.
4. I am the oldest of 5 boys. This was probably the least interesting fact that you're gonna see in this list, but it's true! It's also a fact that the older you get, the more you appreciate your siblings. Being in college and away from them has helped me see that a little bit.
5. I have lived in Florida for 13 years.
It's crazy, I have lived in the same small town ever since I was a little girl. Moving to Tallahassee has felt more like I've moved to NYC! It's amazing to me how different the culture is here versus where I grew up. In saying that, I confess that it hasn't been a bad experience. With most of the people living here from South Georgia, there's a lot more of that "southern hospitality" whereas people where I'm from come are either snowbirds or visiting from Miami. Yeah, kinda different.
6. I really enjoy dying/cutting/changing my hair.
I have a friend who has never cut, dyed, straightened, or done anything to her hair. Like, never. Me? I've had brown hair, brown hair with blonde highlights, blue hair, and my current hue of choice is a pastel pink. While many people will probably say "That's so damaging to your hair, why would you kill it like that?"
...all I have to say to that is: life is too short to not do the things you want to do. And if that means dying your hair, going sky-diving, or even something simple like buying yourself a new book to read, just do it. The last thing you want is to look back on all the things you could've done, but didn't, because you were afraid of other people's opinion.
7. I have always been the "teacher's pet".
I like to think that I've always done quite well in school, and maybe it was because I was fairly diligent in turning in assignments on time, and I occasionally studied when I needed to. But in retrospect, maybe it was because I never had a teacher dislike me. That sounds cocky, but I was never a problem child. I simply never gave them anything to dislike. *shrug*
8. I am probably the laziest "gamer girl" to ever exist.
Allow me to explain myself: I very much like playing video games. What I don't like is not being able to run my character around haphazardly just doing whatever I please. My boyfriend hates this because he's like "You can't just jump off buildings like that, you have to follow the quest!" and I'm just like "yolo" . Yes, I realize that reference is outdated, you don't have to remind me.
9. With that being said, I am just lazy in general.
This may be applicable to most people and not so much of a "fun" fact, but it's true. When I want to, I have a very high work ethic and can accomplish a lot in a small time frame. But you see, that's the kicker, it's only when I want to. I'm not sure if it's just human nature to procrastinate every once in awhile, but as long as I can continue to justify it, I will.
10. I held my first and only job for almost 2 years, and never got any violation of any kind.
People that know me personally know that I was a Taco Bell cashier back home, and even people that didn't know me in real life somehow knew and/or recognized me from the drive thru window. When I was working over the details on my leaving with my boss, looking through my records she pointed out that I had never gotten in trouble during my time there.
Even in the adult world I somehow managed to hold my "good noodle" status.
Just call me Spongebob.
11. Doing my makeup is one of my favorite pastimes.
When I was first thinking about what this blog should be about, I considered making it one of those "beauty blogs". Then I remembered that I'm not a beauty guru, but rather I'm just a girl who likes to wear fun lipsticks. I am obsessed with the online beauty community... Maybe one day I'll be good enough to be apart of it.
12. I play three instruments.
Perhaps this isn't that surprising considering I'm a music major. Primarily I play trumpet*, but in my leisure I also learned guitar and ukulele. If there is anyone reading this who has had the desire to learn an instrument, I definitely recommend giving the uke a try! You can buy one online for as low as $30, and with it only having 4 strings and being so small in size, it's super easy to self-teach.
*extra fun fact: I've been playing trumpet for 7 years!
13. I have two motherly figures and two fatherly figures at the same time.
Sounds complicated, but in reality, my mom and dad got divorced when I was young, and they both remarried. All of them are very present in my life and each of them has contributed a lot to my upbringing and my well-being, for which I am extremely grateful.
14. I am almost always mistaken for being older than I really am.
I remember being a sophomore in high school and being mistaken for a senior. That was kinda cool, and boosted my self esteem a bit. But by far the worst time this happened was this one time I went grocery shopping with my stepdad (which also happened to be where he works) and one of his coworkers mistook me for his wife.
Weird, right?
15. I have lived with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and mild depression for 4 years.
"Whoa, what a bummer man." But in all honesty, I don't view it that way. I see it more as a character trait, that of which I am working on alleviating for myself. While I know I will never be able to make it disappear, living with it has taught me a lot about perseverance and just how strong I actually am. It's kind of cool, to be able to look beyond it and know that it's not something that's wrong with me, it's something that just is.
16. I am a hopeless romantic.
I am in love with the idea of love. I have been with my current boyfriend for almost a year, and he has been my rock through everything I've been going through recently. I have this tendency to romanticize a lot of things, but he's been the one thing that I haven't exaggerated, he's just himself. And that's more than enough for me.
So there you have it. Now you know a little bit more about me, and I hope you'll be back for more soon!
If you are on tumblr, you can follow me here!
Or if you prefer the more comedic content, you can follow me on twitter.
My name is Maddie, I am 18 years old and I am a freshman at the Florida State University. While I am currently enrolled in the summer semester, I thought it would be interesting to try and do something more with my time, like sharing my thoughts/feelings/opinions on the Internet for all you lovely people to enjoy.
Something fun: I thought I might do "16 Fun Facts About Me". Why 16? It's my lucky number; the year I graduated high school, the age I learned how to drive a car, the day I was born in March... So many good things about it to count. Get it? Numbers, counting, it's a joke!
Anyways, without further ado, here are 16 fun facts about me:
1. I was born in Misawa, Japan.
I know what you're thinking: Does that mean you're, like, Japanese? Can you watch anime without subtitles? No. I was born on an US Air Force base in Misawa, where most people spoke English. However, I have no memories of it, I only lived there for the first three years of my life. But I have to say, I was pretty cute!
2. I am a huge marching band fanatic.
Yes, I was a band geek in high school, and thankfully I get to be a band geek in college too! I am currently pursuing a Bachelor's degree in Music Education here at FSU. I was the drum major for my high school band for two years, while my freshman and sophomore year I marched trumpet. Marching band was (and still is) my passion! I will be auditioning to be in the "Marching Chiefs" this coming August, which honestly doesn't feel real. The next few pictures are just a few highlights of my marching career so far (more pictures to come in the following season).
 | |
| ^ Bye Bye Birdie ^ |
3. I'm a sort of a thespian.
 |
| ^ The Little Mermaid ^ |
 |
| ^ Seussical the Musical ^ |
4. I am the oldest of 5 boys. This was probably the least interesting fact that you're gonna see in this list, but it's true! It's also a fact that the older you get, the more you appreciate your siblings. Being in college and away from them has helped me see that a little bit.
5. I have lived in Florida for 13 years.
It's crazy, I have lived in the same small town ever since I was a little girl. Moving to Tallahassee has felt more like I've moved to NYC! It's amazing to me how different the culture is here versus where I grew up. In saying that, I confess that it hasn't been a bad experience. With most of the people living here from South Georgia, there's a lot more of that "southern hospitality" whereas people where I'm from come are either snowbirds or visiting from Miami. Yeah, kinda different.
6. I really enjoy dying/cutting/changing my hair.
I have a friend who has never cut, dyed, straightened, or done anything to her hair. Like, never. Me? I've had brown hair, brown hair with blonde highlights, blue hair, and my current hue of choice is a pastel pink. While many people will probably say "That's so damaging to your hair, why would you kill it like that?"
...all I have to say to that is: life is too short to not do the things you want to do. And if that means dying your hair, going sky-diving, or even something simple like buying yourself a new book to read, just do it. The last thing you want is to look back on all the things you could've done, but didn't, because you were afraid of other people's opinion.
7. I have always been the "teacher's pet".
I like to think that I've always done quite well in school, and maybe it was because I was fairly diligent in turning in assignments on time, and I occasionally studied when I needed to. But in retrospect, maybe it was because I never had a teacher dislike me. That sounds cocky, but I was never a problem child. I simply never gave them anything to dislike. *shrug*
8. I am probably the laziest "gamer girl" to ever exist.
Allow me to explain myself: I very much like playing video games. What I don't like is not being able to run my character around haphazardly just doing whatever I please. My boyfriend hates this because he's like "You can't just jump off buildings like that, you have to follow the quest!" and I'm just like "
9. With that being said, I am just lazy in general.
This may be applicable to most people and not so much of a "fun" fact, but it's true. When I want to, I have a very high work ethic and can accomplish a lot in a small time frame. But you see, that's the kicker, it's only when I want to. I'm not sure if it's just human nature to procrastinate every once in awhile, but as long as I can continue to justify it, I will.
10. I held my first and only job for almost 2 years, and never got any violation of any kind.
People that know me personally know that I was a Taco Bell cashier back home, and even people that didn't know me in real life somehow knew and/or recognized me from the drive thru window. When I was working over the details on my leaving with my boss, looking through my records she pointed out that I had never gotten in trouble during my time there.
Even in the adult world I somehow managed to hold my "good noodle" status.
Just call me Spongebob.
11. Doing my makeup is one of my favorite pastimes.
When I was first thinking about what this blog should be about, I considered making it one of those "beauty blogs". Then I remembered that I'm not a beauty guru, but rather I'm just a girl who likes to wear fun lipsticks. I am obsessed with the online beauty community... Maybe one day I'll be good enough to be apart of it.
12. I play three instruments.
Perhaps this isn't that surprising considering I'm a music major. Primarily I play trumpet*, but in my leisure I also learned guitar and ukulele. If there is anyone reading this who has had the desire to learn an instrument, I definitely recommend giving the uke a try! You can buy one online for as low as $30, and with it only having 4 strings and being so small in size, it's super easy to self-teach.
*extra fun fact: I've been playing trumpet for 7 years!
13. I have two motherly figures and two fatherly figures at the same time.
 |
| My mother and my stepdad at my hs grad |
 |
| My stepmom and father at my hs grad |
14. I am almost always mistaken for being older than I really am.
I remember being a sophomore in high school and being mistaken for a senior. That was kinda cool, and boosted my self esteem a bit. But by far the worst time this happened was this one time I went grocery shopping with my stepdad (which also happened to be where he works) and one of his coworkers mistook me for his wife.
Weird, right?
15. I have lived with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and mild depression for 4 years.
"Whoa, what a bummer man." But in all honesty, I don't view it that way. I see it more as a character trait, that of which I am working on alleviating for myself. While I know I will never be able to make it disappear, living with it has taught me a lot about perseverance and just how strong I actually am. It's kind of cool, to be able to look beyond it and know that it's not something that's wrong with me, it's something that just is.
16. I am a hopeless romantic.
I am in love with the idea of love. I have been with my current boyfriend for almost a year, and he has been my rock through everything I've been going through recently. I have this tendency to romanticize a lot of things, but he's been the one thing that I haven't exaggerated, he's just himself. And that's more than enough for me.
So there you have it. Now you know a little bit more about me, and I hope you'll be back for more soon!
If you are on tumblr, you can follow me here!
Or if you prefer the more comedic content, you can follow me on twitter.
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