Heart of an Extrovert, Mind of an Introvert

 I have thought out what I wanted to say in this post time and time again, and every time I go to write it, I get lost in how to word it. The truth is, it's a complicated feeling...

"What are you talking about, Maddie?"

I'm talking about this tug-of-war between my extroverted self and my introverted self. Now I know it seems simple enough to just label myself an ambivert and call it day. But the problem is, it doesn't feel that simple.

Allow me to elaborate:

I have always thought of myself to be very outgoing. People tell me all the time how much they admire my "bubbly" personality, and past customers always praised me on how personable I was. But too often there are times when being this way just becomes plain exhausting. Honestly, it's gotten to the point (as of recently at least) that even the mere thought of going down to the lobby of my residence hall to socialize makes me want to vomit.

Many people would agree that it's normal to be "burnt out" on social interaction every once in awhile, but what happens when that feeling becomes constant and annoyingly persistent?

Now I'm not sure when I realized this was a problem, but the main point that has me conflicted is the fact that I WANT to make more friends and be around people. What always stops me from doing so is this little voice in my head that says "Get over yourself, they're not going to like you, you're too weird, blah blah blah, etc".

To make things even more confusing, I am not insecure in my ability to make friends. Once I get out there, I find it fairly easy to converse with others and make connections across the board.

"So what's the problem?"

I just can't seem to make that little voice go away. I suppose I just have to listen to my heart instead of my head for once. 

It's funny, you almost always wanna listen to what your head says because it makes sense, but your heart is almost always right, even if it doesn't make sense. I guess a better way to put it would be this: you can always change your mind, but you can never change the way you truly feel. 

Does anyone out there struggle with this? I would love to hear your experience(s) with this, and knowing that I'm not alone would be so encouraging.

Until next time,
Maddie

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